Party like it’s the weekend!!!!!! Or… panic like it’s the weekend???
One would think that a person, such as myself, who has been struggling with severe anxiety lately (largely based around work) would LOVE the weekend. But the last several months I have found myself dreading the weekends. I couldn’t understand it. My family didn’t understand it. Even my doctor and therapist didn’t seem to understand it. The weekends were (are?) just too much for me. They’ve been really hard. I’m exhausted from the week, not just from work – cause TONS of people work - but more from my anxiety. My negative thoughts ruminate constantly and it’s very hard for me to sleep. So, in addition to being physically tired I reach a whole new - and hard to describe - exhaustion because my brain NEVER STOPS. With this, it has become very hard for me to spend the whole day with an energetic 5 year old. Bless her sweet, beautiful little soul… Now, before you judge this statement, let me tell you something. I assure you, that I have enough of my own guilt about this being my current situation that I don’t need any input. Also, YES I have ONE child and YES, it’s still hard for me, AND YES I’m sure it’s even harder with multiple children. I just want to cover all that since I’ve heard it all before. End Rant. 😊 Anyways, I digress… weekends became a terrible time for me. I’ve always felt this tremendous pressure to have a spotless house. And I’ve been trying to figure out a balance of dieting for weight loss without going insane over “rules” of what to eat and what not to eat, so I felt pressure to create all these great meals for the week. The pressure I was putting on myself to get anything and everything done around the house made me crabby and soooooo stressed out. My anxiety became paralyzing and I was unable to really get anything done, and then that made me feel more anxious and the circle goes around and around. Instead of enjoying the days off during the weekend, I spent a lot of them crying with my husband sitting with me on the floor talking me through panic attacks. Then the panic attacks started spilling over into the week as well… And this is where we’re at. I need to make DRASTIC changes to all aspects my life, and this weekend situation is one of those aspects. So, something we focused on immediately is getting me out of the damn house, people!!! It has made an enormous difference almost immediately. Thank goodness it’s summer (cause Wisconsin) and we’ve adopted a new family activity. We’ve been trying different hiking locations and the whole family has been enjoying it. I get vitamin D, exercise, family time, and it helps distract me from my worries. You know what else I’ve had to do? ASK FOR SOME HELP! Ha, what a concept! It’s hard for me to even acknowledge I need help, much less ask for it. And you know what I’ve found? People can’t read my mind, but when I’m honest they are willing to help or come up with great suggestions to relieve some stress. It’s a work in progress for sure, but we’re truckin’ along… But I’ll tell ya something – fresh air does a girl some good! You know what else is helpful? Giving up on the obsession with what everyone (especially myself) is eating. Yeah, I know I have quite a bit of weight to lose, but cooking fancy healthy meals isn’t worth my happiness. My mom said something that I keep repeating to myself, “if your daughter eats peanut butter and jelly sandwiches for 5 days straight because that’s the best you can do right now, she will still be perfectly fine.” Sure, what we eat is important, but if it’s one less thing for me to think about right now then it’s one less thing for me to waste negative, anxious energy on – for now. I have to take my life one day at a time. I’m not very good at that yet, but I am really trying because some days I feel great and other times I literally can’t get out of bed. Therefore, when I start to think about tomorrow and the “unknown,” I immediately start to panic. ONE. DAY. AT. A. TIME, KATIE… And, hey, CHEERS TO THE WEEKEND!! XO, Katie
2 Comments
ESN
7/10/2017 01:02:48 am
Wooooo!!! Those all sound like great changes. Keep on doing it! Also... you've inspired me... I'll start my blog this week. Way to go. Sending positive vibes your way on this (very) early Monday am.
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Katie
7/10/2017 11:09:54 am
Thank you for your kind words and for taking the time to read my blog. Best wishes to you!
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AuthorMy name is Katie and I am just a woman struggling in the deep throes of depression and anxiety hoping to go on (and document) a journey to find PEACE and share it with anyone who may feel alone in a similar journey. Archives
November 2017
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