Loud children. Too many texts. Angry parents of my patients. Way too many emails at work. Bad news at work. Bad news at home…
All these things – and probably some I’m not listing – are things I can’t really handle very well, even on a good day right now. I’ve been thinking about how to explain this lately so that I have a way to articulate it to my husband. Even as I’m working on myself, most days these things push me over the edge. I get hot, my heart starts to beat faster, I feel angry… panic sets in. The best words I’ve been able to come up with is that my brain, right now, is always on over drive. Even when I’m having a good day and feeling positive, my thoughts are always in over drive. So, every little thing pushes me over the edge. It’s like the little extra stresses overstimulate me and I just get immediately sucked into a downward spiral. That’s the best way I’ve come up with to describe it; “overstimulated.” Perhaps not the best verb, but it makes sense to me. Because of this, I often wish I could just have a big, red “reset” button. Since these don’t exist, what I’m left with is… alone time. Quiet time. Self-care at its best. On Instagram, I’ve mentioned several times about the importance of self-care when it comes to my mental health. As with everything, self-care is a learning process for me and so the concept of “self-care” will probably be a multi-post subject over the course of some time because this is something I am really focusing on, researching, and learning about. A few months ago, my therapist told me how she has a “therapy corner” in her home. A special chair where she sits when she needs to decompress. She chooses to write. Writing is something that calms her. Writing may not work for everyone, but the point is to have a place to go and activities to do that ease your anxiety and panic. I ruminated on this concept for a couple of months actually, until I finally found the motivation to get a few things together. Because lets be real, when your depression and anxiety is at its height, just moving a few things around in the basement sounds like climbing a mountain. Am I right or am I right? When we bought our house 6 years ago, we had a completely finished basement and we tried to make it a homey and nice space, but it just never really came together. Then several years ago the whole basement flooded terribly and we had to remove all the carpet. Since then it has really just been collecting junk. But, with a little help from my husband, I have what we affectionately call “Katie’s corner.” AND I LOVE IT! Alone time is very therapeutic for me so, in our small house, to finally have somewhere to get away has been amazing. In the past, when I would get in a bad head space, I would just go to bed. So, my bedroom became a place of “punishment” for me… full of bad times, tons of naps, but not a lot of quality sleep. So, I pulled out the chair and ottoman that I had in my daughter’s nursery – not that classy, but gosh darn comfy – got a lamp, found an old side table and her I am! Sometimes I just sit here and cry for a bit, sometimes I read, other times I just want to watch trashy television. I’ve also found that writing this blog feels really good as well. It continues to be so therapeutic for me just to talk about what I’m going through. I haven’t found that journaling helps me as much, but for some reason, writing on this blog feels good. I think it is because I try and write and share positive points in my struggles as well. It forces me to find positive things in my life and it also holds me responsible. I know that not too many people read this, and that’s ok because that isn’t the reason I started it, but a few people have checked it out (thank you) and because of you there is always a little voice in my head reminding me that I am putting goals out there in the universe… out there on the internet that I can never take back. And that’s ok, because it feels like good motivation to me. Mostly, I am learning to do things for myself, but writing it in a public way keeps me on my toes. I send a HUG and happy thoughts to anyone who may read this and who may relate… even just a little. XO, Katie
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AuthorMy name is Katie and I am just a woman struggling in the deep throes of depression and anxiety hoping to go on (and document) a journey to find PEACE and share it with anyone who may feel alone in a similar journey. Archives
November 2017
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